he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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