you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
