i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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