I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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