I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
