There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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