I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize