Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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