oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
