The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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