I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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