his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
