Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
