i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
