I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
