Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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