I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Congratulations! We have a period
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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