I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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