1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
