i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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