Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
