he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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