apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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