i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize