I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
