why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
