I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
