never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
