Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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