You're completely useless in the revolution.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
