You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
NoShamevember. You game?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize