My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
