as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
