I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
