70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
