I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
