I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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