You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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