kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have feelings that need drinking.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize