I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How does one acquire holy water?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
