What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
