she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
