I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
