I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
