Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize