We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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