i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
