somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
