Your dad touched me again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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