Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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