Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
