the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
