11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
