yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
