What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
