No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize