i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
