how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
