so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
