i already hear my dad disowning me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
