So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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