3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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