in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
