So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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