New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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