I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
