also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
