I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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