when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
