I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
