theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
