I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
