I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
