so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
