no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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