I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
