All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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