what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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