If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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