You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize