So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
